Talking with Family and Friends
Telling people you have cancer will relieve you of the burden of inventing explanations, or being on guard against discovery of your illness. You may find unexpected sources of support and understanding from others, including people who have struggled with a life-threatening illness.
Here are ten suggestions on communicating with your friends and family:
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Be honest and direct. Give clear guidelines about what others can do to help you.
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Don’t assume people know what you need, or what the “right” thing to do is.
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If you don’t feel like company, say that you appreciate their concern but would much rather they visit you at another time, when you feel better.
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Some people are better at coping with a crisis than others. Most people truly care, but don’t know what to say or do. Accept their limitations.
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If you just need to be with someone or want them to just listen to you, tell them so. Explain to them that you don’t expect answers or solutions; you just want them to listen to your concerns.
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Coping with breast cancer may reveal long-standing problems in a relationship, like poor communication or lack of trust—problems clearly not caused by cancer. Recognizing this may allow you to let go of old behaviors and patterns while identifying ongoing stressful relationships.
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Even thoughtful family and friends may be impatient for you to “get over” your experience. You have survived an ordeal—do not let their expectations pressure you to ignore your feelings.
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Give yourself permission to explore ways to enhance your health and self-esteem. Focus on building a stronger sense of self and purpose to survive your treatments.
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You can become preoccupied with the cancer so much that certain feelings linger and you may become stuck in the process of emotional healing. Get assistance from a support group or therapist to help you move forward.
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While it is not your responsibility to take care of others’ feelings, understand that they, too, are trying to cope.
You can find more information about talking to friends and family in our booklet 
Every Woman’s Guide to Breast Cancer.
