Guidance for Family and Friends
Can you be a cancer survivor without actually having been diagnosed with cancer? According to the American Cancer Society, more than 217,000 people are expected to be diagnosed with breast cancer this year. Family members and friends will be at their side, helping them navigate the maze of details that accompany a cancer diagnosis – finding an oncologist, understanding treatment options, furnishing health updates to others and managing side effects. When you support a loved one through cancer, you will likely experience a conflicting range of emotions, including disbelief, denial, anger, relief, worry and even guilt.
You Are Not Alone
According to the American Cancer Society, three out of every four American families will have at least one family member diagnosed with cancer. Fears of mortality, changing family roles, having your own needs met, and uncertainty about saying the right words at the right time can easily surface when someone you love is diagnosed.
“There is certainly a feeling of inadequacy,” states Alison Mayer Sachs, an oncology social worker and the coordinator of cancer support services at the Eisenhower Lucy Curci Cancer Center in Rancho Mirage, California. “There is also the feeling that there are words out there, and if they only knew what the ‘magic words' were, they could make the patient feel better. Caregivers need to give themselves permission to not know the right answers, to just listen.”
There is also a profound feeling of helplessness, of not knowing what to do as you struggle to comprehend your own feelings and, at the same time, provide reassurance and support.
If a woman has undergone a mastectomy, the trauma of losing a breast can be paramount. It is very important for both partners to acknowledge and support each other through the loss and understand that a grieving process is healthy and normal.
As time and treatment progress, many caregivers also function as a vital intermediary between family and friends. Leonard Thomas has supported his wife, Toya, through two bouts of breast cancer. They both praise their wonderful network of supporters who have volunteered time and assistance to help Toya deal with her chemo regimen. Conversely, Leonard has had to frequently monitor phone calls – at times turning the ringer off – so that he and Toya can get some much-needed respite from well-intentioned callers. 
