Caring for the Caregiver
The stress of breast cancer treatment is not limited to the patient, says Marc Heyison, president and co-founder of Men Against Breast Cancer (MABC), a Washingon, D.C.,-based group that has some 500 members nationwide.
“Men want to help their wives or family members, but they aren’t always sure how to do it in the best way, and we try to give men a blueprint to follow during treatment,’’ said Heyison, whose 70-yearold mother Gloria is a 14-year survivor. When men are more informed about breast cancer, medical tests and treatment options, it helps them let go of the false notion that they can control the outcome, he said.
“Men want to fix things and they have to remember that while they can’t always fix the situation, they can be there for their spouse.’’ He reminds members that “it’s OK to be afraid, and it’s OK to share that fear.”
Heyison also reminds spouses that it’s healthy to take breaks because caretakers need to take care of themselves. “If they play golf to relieve stress, make it nine holes once a month instead of 18 once a week, and make sure someone’s taking care of things at home,” he said, explaining that caretakers need to recharge emotionally and physically so that they can be more effective for the patient.
Delegating responsibility is not always easy for caregivers because they might not want to burden others, notes Kathy Nordstrom, facilitator for the Well Spouse Association support group at Alexian Brothers Medical Center in Elk Grove Village, Ill.
“Sometimes friends or co-workers don’t want to hear about the day-to-day problems, and there’s the sense that you should get on with it,’’ said Nordstrom, who is education program coordinator for the medical center. “In our group, a lot of friendships develop where those feelings can be shared by other people who understand.”
This article was first printed in the spring 2006 issue of Lifeine.
Need help articulating and prioritizing your concerns? Call the Y-ME Hotline at 800-221-2141 and speak with a trained peer counselor who is a breast cancer survivor.
