Talking to Family and Friends

Here are ten suggestions for communicating with your family and friends:

1. Be honest and direct.  Give clear guidelines about what others can do to help you.
2. Don’t assume people know what you need, or what the “right” thing to do is.
3. If you don’t feel like the company of loved ones, say that you appreciate their concern, but would much rather they visit you at another time, when you feel better.
4. Some people are better at coping with a crisis than others.  Most people truly care, but don’t know what to say or do.  Accept their limitations.
5. If you need to be with someone or want that person just to listen, say so.  Explain that you don’t expect answers or solutions; you just want to have your concerns heard.
6. Coping with breast cancer may reveal long-standing problems in a relationship, like poor communication or lack of trust – problems clearly not caused by cancer.  Recognizing this may allow you to let go of old behaviors and patterns while identifying ongoing stressful relationships.
7. Even thoughtful family and friends may be impatient for you to “get over” your experience.  You have survived an ordeal – do not let their expectations pressure you to ignore your feelings.
8. Give yourself permission to explore ways to enhance your health and self-esteem.  Focus on building a stronger sense of self and purpose to survive your treatments.
9. You may become preoccupied with the cancer so much that certain feelings linger and you may become stuck in the process of emotional healing.  Get assistance from a support group or therapist to help you move forward.
10. While your responsibility is not to take care of others’ feelings, understand that they, too, are trying to cope.

     

    Next: Talking to Children.